Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
