Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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