i just had sex bonerless
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
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