I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
