I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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