I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
