At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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