That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Randomize
