i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
