at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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