I'd wear matching sweaters with you
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
