she was so not down for the gang bang
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
