i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
