If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
My ass is underappreciated
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Randomize
