you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
