So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
no you cant smoke seaweed
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
