Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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