Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
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