i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Found your dick twin last night
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
Oh god it's open bar.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Randomize
