you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
