Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
