quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
