you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
