Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
