We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
