did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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