be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
