so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
