I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
Randomize
