How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Randomize
