using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
