Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
