Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We have so much sex to catch up on
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
Randomize
