I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
