That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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