If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
