Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Your penis caused this!
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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