We're facebook friends in real life
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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