with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Randomize
