32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Randomize
