Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Randomize
