We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Randomize
