That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
Randomize
