can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
