Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
