He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Anyone who has court these next few days keep your head up & smile knowing we broke the County Record with 27 underage consumptions
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
