I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Randomize
