I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
