you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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