Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
