I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
Randomize
