then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
