im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
