I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
