my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
