Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
Randomize