Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Randomize
