I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
My bed smells like the plague
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
