Only a mothe r could love this liver
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
