So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
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