VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
