I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
he literally walked in took a shit and left ringing the 'great service' bell on the way out.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
