You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
