you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Randomize
