My underwear smells like fireworks.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize
