porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
