I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
