Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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