I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
