I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
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