I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
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