so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Redeem this text for a blowjob
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
don't judge my taste in strippers
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
