well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
