You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
Randomize
