we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
